What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food? His left shoulder.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite robot? Him as his shoulder/wheelchair.
Why did the judge dismiss court when the orphan walked in?
Even a gay prison wouldn't want him.
The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.
Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.
Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."
I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."
One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"
When the emo kid went to high five the tree, the tree left him hanging.
FUCK EMO KIDS!
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?
His wheelchair always backs him up.
Stephen Hawking was a bit of a hardcase. He didn't let people push him around.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.
The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!
