HI jokes
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?
Dial-ISIS!
Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.
Memes
Son: Hi.
Dad: Yo.
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
Why did the orphan have to eat his cereal with water?
Because his dad never came back with the milk.
I saw some kid following me, so I told him to go back to his family.
Orphan: "What family?"
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
I would stop bullying the orphan kid, what's he gonna do? Cry to his mommy?
If you hit an orphan on the arm, what will he do? Tell his parents?
Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.
A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.
The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want—he can’t hear you.
What did the father name his daughter with no legs?
Peggy.
What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?
"Him and his dead family." :(
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.
I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.