Hes Jokes

He turns, he shoots!

And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...

Question- What happend to the depresses kid who tried to high 5 a tree? Answer- He was left hanging

Why doesnt kermit the frog get married? He doent like kermitment

When my dad left he said he would bring back the milk but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him and he said "I used all the milk to make your sister"

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read."

What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand??? "Hello Ladies""

I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dived to save it, he said he always dives for pens.

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s jump at his funeral

It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

He can’t find home

What does Michael Jackson like to drink? Tea-he-he

I was reading the new and read that a kid killed his family and when they interviewed him he said he wanted to become Batman

what do you call an orphan family photo

a selfie

but wait what family he never had one

I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair. We started playing rocket league

why was he orphan so successful? they told him go big or go home he only had 1 option

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."