Hes jokes
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
A boy and his friend were walking down the street.
Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"
Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."
Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."
Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.
He came in twice.
(like if u understand)
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.
Memes
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?
So the police can see that he’s white.
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.
A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀
Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
He didn’t want to pay the gas bill.
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.