Hes jokes
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.
Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.
Memes
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.
A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀
A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks, "What gave me away?"
The man responds, "Your parents."
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."
So we stopped playing chess.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
He didn’t want to pay the gas bill.
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."