I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
What does a cow say when he remembers something? "I have deja moo!"
I'm funny but sad I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
Why did Paul walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? -- He took a day off.
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
Did you here about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge”.
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide? Dave: No. Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why does the ice cream 🍨 have so many friends?
Because he’s cool.
why did hitler never go to a strip club? he hated the poles
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?Because he can ́t do stand up.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What was the pedophile charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense
Just noticed something all celebrities die bad except for Elvis he had a relief after Taco Bell 🔔
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning? A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”
I was working in a IPhone store in Norwich, when an man came! He said "Give me hat-trick or i will destroy your store!" I said "No" and he started to smash phones! I imidiatelly screamed "Important game" and he disappeared! Shame on you penaldo for ruining my store! 😡😡
