Herring Jokes

One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"

His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."

The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."

One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"

I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.

A 14 year old girl was walking back home late at night, then a man was following her. An hour later, she got back home not only had she lost the stranger, but also her virginity.

My little sister that is 10 is so ugly her hairline can't even be found by Dora the Explorer.

I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.

Royce Lopez →
@hippojuicefilm
Jay-z looks like a black grandma sick of raising her
daughter's kids.

An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.

"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.

So I punched an orphan...

What's he/she going to do? Tell his/her parents???

Your mom is so ugly even Shrek ran away from her.

Your mom is so ugly, you look like her. Oh, got 'em!

Yo mama so scary, the government moved Halloween to her birthday!

Well, yo mama is fat, and when she loses weight, all the food that she has is hers, but the Africans get none.

My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.

Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.

When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.

FUCKING MENT

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.

What do you call a redhead in a fridge?

I'm pretty sure her name was Kelly.

Friend: Ooo, I see Jessica.

Me: Nice.

Friend: She got some red on her shirt.

Me: Yeah, that's where the Titanic hit her :///

I lost my job at the bank today. A lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."