Herring jokes

My mom wanted me to brush my hair.

And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...

What did the female rapper say when her boyfriend pulled his pants down and exposed his huge balls?

“I like big nuts and I cannot lie!”

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

What do a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her have in common?

They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.

The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.

A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.

"This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.

She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

What does a rain cloud wear under her dress?

Thunderwear.

Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally...

How did she die?

A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

A bomb.

Yo mama so fat, it took the Flash 40 years to run around her.

I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.

She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.

I approached her in the checkout line and said, "Yo baby wassup?"

I gave her a lift back to her crib because her car wouldn’t start.

I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.

Her pants were on fire.

Your mama so chubby, people call her fat.

Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.

Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.

Hugging Leo is a great way to commit suicide... you’d just drown in all her fatness.

I was at school with friends. One of my friends had hair in her armpits. The rest of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything, until one of my friends laughed and told her she had hair in her armpits, so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls.