Herring jokes

So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.

And I asked him what he is doing.

Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.

Me: Erm... Are you a simp?

Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.

KG: You have it?

Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?

KG: Sure!

KG then went to her room.

Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-

KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.

KG: Have fun playing with them!

Guy: WHAT THE FU-

If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...

Why didn’t Anne Frank just finish her diary?

Concentration problems.

Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?

She got tired of jumping over the moon.

Yo mama is so ugly, if she got a pound for every boy that found her unattractive, boys would find her attractive.

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body.

I gave her a shoulder to crayon.

My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

Who was the meanest man in the world?

He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.

Yo momma's so gay, you sucked her balls.

Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.

Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

Joe mama's so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and it’s still printing!

Jack and Jill ran up the hill to pop some pills,

And Jill said, "Jack can do her without here will," and Jack's penis was still.

She said she was hungry. So I fucked her in the ass and gave her a chili dog.

What did Queen Lettuce say to her greens?

Lettuce eat Brussels!

Your mom said I was ugly. I told her she couldn’t see her belly button because she was so fat. She said, “I thought I was the only one without one!”

What's the hardest part about sex with a Thai girl?

Her, probably.

What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers? A redneck virgin.

If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?

My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!