Herring jokes

People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.

I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)

Your mamma's so fat, the aliens call her their mother ship!

You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?

You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.

Why did the little girl flush herself down the toilet?

Because she wanted to join the Brownies.

Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?

In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢

I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭

My Indian wife said last night if her fanny would taste like vindaloo curry, I said I've smelt your fucking armpits, you've got no chance.

What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head!

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.

And I asked him what he is doing.

Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.

Me: Erm... Are you a simp?

Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.

KG: You have it?

Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?

KG: Sure!

KG then went to her room.

Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-

KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.

KG: Have fun playing with them!

Guy: WHAT THE FU-

If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...

Why didn’t Anne Frank just finish her diary?

Concentration problems.

Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?

She got tired of jumping over the moon.

Yo mama is so ugly, if she got a pound for every boy that found her unattractive, boys would find her attractive.

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body.

I gave her a shoulder to crayon.

My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

Who was the meanest man in the world?

He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.

Yo momma's so gay, you sucked her balls.

Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.

Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.