Herring jokes

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."

Who likes Fortnite? Gwen Stacy is in the game, let's goooooo! I love her!

So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.

If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!

You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

She is not “fun to be around.”

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.

Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?

Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!

So I told an orphan if her mom is hot, he wouldn't stop crying.

How you know it’s her time in MJ's house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.