Herring jokes

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

Yo mama's so fat, her belly button gets home 15 minutes before she does.

Yo momma so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall!

Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Yo mama's so old, her social security number is one.

Yo mama's so ugly, her birth certificate is an apology letter.

Who will hit the ground first, the girl or the apple?

I don't know, it depends if the girl is emo or not. If she is emo, the rope will catch her.

Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”

Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.

If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?

You: What?

Me: She let it go, let it go!

Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.

Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.

I told this knock knock joke to Helen Keller...

Me: Knock Knock

Her:

Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?

A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack and sell it again.

My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.

What is the definition of clapped?

Ur mum when I am in her bed.

Comment anything if you liked the picture of Kenya in her bra!

Hint: It was a red bra with pink strips! And it said, "I love everyone!"

#she is sex*

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"