Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?
'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.
Herring Jokes
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?
Her dad didn't beat cancer.
My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.
What did the mother cheetah say to her cub?
"Go to bed or I'll slap your spots off you!"
Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
Yo momma is so fat, her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
Me and my girlfriend broke up, and I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!
Red: snooore, snoooore
Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*
Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*
Chuck VS RED
Both LOSE!
So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
Q: How did Helen Keller break her wrist?
A: Reading road signs.
Yo mama's so fat, her pad is a king-size mattress.
Yo mama is so ugly that not even goldfish smile back at her.
Your momma's so dumb, she took her driving lesson on a dinosaur.
What happens when Helen Keller picks her nose?
She slurs her words...
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
Your mama so fat, Jupiter is smaller than her.
Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!
Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.
