Hi guys, jokes for sister.
So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.
How do you get a hippy pregnant?
Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
I used to keep asking a woman if I can rape her until she got so annoyed and said, "Stop asking me."
When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,
and then you remember you’re French.
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
It’s almost take her to Spirit Halloween, and then rail her in a spooky mask season.
Her: Eat my ass!
Me: Yes, chef!
She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
“Come again!” says the woman behind the desk.
“No, it’s curry this time.”
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.
Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."
Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."
"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."
Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."
Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.
First date be like:
Me: "I work with animals every day."
Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"
Me: "I'm a butcher."
Q: What do you call a cat living with a vet? A: A dead shrivelled up cat on her death bed that is attached to their owner.
Isn't It Purrfect
What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.
There’s a woman cutting onions when her husband walks in and starts crying. Onions was a good dog.
What hits the ground first, an apple or an emo girl?
The rope would catch her.
