Heard jokes

Ever heard of rape jokes?

No?

Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!

One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.

I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."

Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.

What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up!

What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days!

What is the state of Texas for? Guns!

What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!)

What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly!

What is the state of Nevada for? Ever heard of gambling?

What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting!

What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)

Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?

Why did the booty go to the party?

It heard it was a "bash."

Funniest Roblox Names I've heard:

ButtNugget123

Lil_RAT (user is actually Sillyowlbunny200)

baddasscarrot44

EggnogRat44

I woke up when I heard a strange noise coming from my kitchen.

I turned on the light, and I saw none other than the exposed flop GHOSTNALDO. He asked me if I had PenalTEA, his favorite drink. I said no and yelled, "There is a big game tomorrow!" and he disappeared.

Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"

Have you heard about the kidnapping at the goat farm?

Did you hear about the guy who made the knock-knock joke? I heard he got the Nobel Prize.

Going in a military.

The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"

Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...

I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.

I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.

Y'all heard of Poptarts, eh?

Well why are there no Momtarts?

Because of the PASTRYarchy!

Ever heard of the currency TNT?

All Arab economies are booming with so much TNT!

Have you ever heard of the eye tear?

Me either.

You know what's REALLY "Ironic"?

Answer:

These REALLY ARE the "Worst Jokes" I've ever heard!

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.