Have jokes

I don't have luck with other angels.

So I just WING IT!

What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Porsche?

I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

Like if your best friend is emo. *repost* or like if you have a best friend.

What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?

Kids ride for free.

Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

Like if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband, or wife, or a crush.

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?

I don’t have a Mercedes.

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.

Why did the silly girl put sugar under her pillow?

She wanted to have sweet dreams. 😂

What's the most fun a monk can have?

Nun.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?

They are both nowhere to be found.

The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.

What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.