Have jokes
I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
Have you ever walked in to Stephen Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Not Sally, she doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus.
If a physically handicapped gay white male is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall, and if you are a gay white male that is well-endowed that is not physically handicapped, and if you want the physically handicapped gay white male who is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall to suck your dick, what do you do to convince him to suck your dick if you have a hard on and your horny as hell?
Put $25.00 under the handicapped stall before you put your dick under the handicapped stall.
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.
Why do men have penises?
They gotta shut women up somehow.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
This joke does not work in print, you have to speak it to someone.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Helen Keller.
Helen Keller who?
(Don't say anything).
Helen Keller who?
...you will get a laugh...ty.
Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.
Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.
Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
In Israel, they don't have Walmarts; they only have Targets.
What do Hitler and Trump have in common? They both do hand gestures.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
Have you ever walked into Helen Keller’s house?
She has.
Yo mama so fat, she was pulled over... FOR HAVING 12 POUNDS OF CRACK ON HER!
What do you call having a 69 with a guy in a wheelchair?
MEALS ON WHEELS :-)