Have jokes
I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and kids?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Father’s or Mother’s Day.
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
*P.O.V orphan wanting to go on school trip/camp*
Teacher: “Can I have your parent's signature? It isn’t filled out.”
Orphan: “Um yeah.... That’s gonna be hard....”
Teacher: “Why?”
Orphan: “I just have to find them first....”
I made a website for orphans. Sadly, it doesn't have a home button.
Why does an orphan's calendar only have 362 days? Because they don't celebrate Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Valentine's Day.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have a Mother’s and Father’s Day.
What is the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.
My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”
Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.
Kenya, if you keep smiling then you will become a positive bitchy!
Tenya, everyone hates you why I have no idea!
Kenya stop smiling and start dying!
Tenya, why are you so mean!
Kenya, stop acting like a mantrapp!
Tenya, stop being a bitch in a skirt!
Please leave a comment good or bad! cusswords whatever!
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4
LIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
DISLIKE: When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”
Vote for the better joke. Semifinals are later or tomorrow.
God, people are so sensitive these days. You can't even say, "Paint the wall black," you have to say, "Jamal, could you paint the wall?"
What do a gay man and a tumbleweed have in common?
They blow and blow until they wind up on a fence in Wyoming.