Have jokes
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?
What do a blonde and a doorknob have in common?
Everyone gets a turn ;)
A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.
The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"
The other said, "Do you have that many?"
Why does a milking stool have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder one.
What do gay people and mice have in common?
They both hate pussy cats!
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
What did the horse say when his throat was sore?
I have a hoarse throat!
I have a big cock.
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
My dad raped my mom, now I have a brother.
Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.
One day, there are friends having fun.
Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."
And they all agree.
Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.
What do gasses and asses have in common? They both have asses in them!
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.
I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.
Girls with the name Carley have the biggest forehead on the earth, I mean, moon.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.