Have jokes
What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?
Guns only have one trigger.
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.
They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.
I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?
He took away their ottoman!