Have jokes

How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?

Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.

Why don't you have a life?

Because you're ugly.

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?

Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of seamen waiting for you 😉

My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.

He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.

So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"

What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?

A doppelgangbang.

Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"

An ugly, poor teenage girl found a genie lamp in her backyard. The genie said, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but under 1 condition."

"What is it?" she asked.

"After I grant your final wish, you have to have sex with me," the genie replied.

"Okay, for my 1st wish, I wish to be the prettiest girl at my school," the genie snapped his fingers and made her pretty.

"For my 2nd wish, I wish for my family to be rich," the genie snapped his fingers and told her her family is now the richest in town.

"And your final wish?" the genie asked.

"I wish I had a sabertoothed vagina."

What is the worst part about siblings having sex?

Being left out.

If Kamala Harris is Indian, why doesn’t she have that dot on her head?

So she claims to be.

And the only black color I know is when you shut off the lights.

What is better to have, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?

Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*

Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?

Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.

I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.