Have To jokes
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.
If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!