Have To jokes
Do I like playing Russian Roulette? Gun to the head, I'd have to say no.
Why is chemotherapy like a five-star meal?
Because you have to have money to pay for it.
My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.
You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!
Qwen, I have to tell you something, so say "hi" and I will tell you.
Why did the orphan have to stay at school?
Because they need to leave with a parent.
My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?
I'm bored so can y'all ask me some questions and I have to answer them?
Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
If BlessedBrian were ANY LESS intelligent, he’d have to be WATERED twice a week.
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
My love for you is like poop.
Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.
Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡
Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐
Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬
Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱
Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*
Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤
Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨
Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠
Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤
Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮
Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫
Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕
"Prince???? Where are you??? I might have to go to bed for real, but I just wish we could talk at night. Why don't we anyway? (I love you so much!)"
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
I hope you have to dip your Oreos in water because your dad never came back with the milk.
When you have to fight an emo kid, but he brings his friends, so you gotta fight the Suicide Squad. But you gotta get the boys to help you.
Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."
Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."
Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."
Teacher: "*stands up*"
Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."
Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?