Harding jokes

I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.

"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."

"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."

I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!

The man walks into a bar, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player. The piano player starts playing the piano. The guy next to him asks where he got that. The man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes.

So the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside. He says to the genie, "I want a million bucks." The genie snaps his fingers, and a million ducks appear in the road. The man comes back inside and says, "Hey, that genie is a little hard of hearing." The man says, "Well, did you really think I'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?"

There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.

Why did the penis go fly?

Because a girl sucked it too hard, it went flying away.

If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

Why did the rapper apologize to the sidewalk?

He didn’t mean to SPIT that hard.

What goes in soft and comes out hard?

Gum, you whore!

The priest wanted the little boy to touch his cross. The boy said, "It's hard." Then it shot out holy water, and the priest said, "Come again and taste the second cumming of Jesus, lmao."

I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.

My dick is hard as a rock, anyone wanna fuck?

A computer usually has a HARD drive. LESSON. No wonder they remember things.

Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find

Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.

Have you learned SoDN in chemistry? It's so hard.

What's SoDN?

Suck on deez nuts.

I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.

How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.

"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."

"Son, stay out of the drawer."

What is long, hard, and has cum in it?

A cucumber.

It's hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not.

Hey woah man, and Alya how are you guys? Oh and hbu jk master? How is life right now? Is it hard? You wanna talk?

Hey girl, are you a diamond pick?

'Cause I'm as hard as obsidian.