Happiness jokes
I cry when you leave the room. They're tears of joy because you have an ugly hairline.
You're so ugly you make Happy Meals cry.
You should always be happy about family and love.
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
To all my bullies: don’t call me gay because I’m not happy.
Memes
Me during quarantine
What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
Flip 1134 over on a calculator.
Happy holidays!
A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."
What does a depressed person say when they're happy?
"..."
Me: Am actually happy right now.
Life: Lol one sec.
I AM FUCKING HAPPY AS HELL.
What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?
Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.
At 6, she wanted a happy mama.
At 8, she hated acting like a mom.
At 10, she wanted to see her own smile again.
At 11, she wanted to see her mom.
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
Can emo kids get a happy birthday?
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.
Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
What do us emos all have in common?
Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."
Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”