Happening

Happening jokes

What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?

You cook spaghetti with his blood!

A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."

What happens when an alien connects with your device?

The alien says on your device: ".-- . / - .-. .- ...- . .-.. / ..-. .-. --- -- / -- .- -. -.-- / -- .- -. -.-- / --. .- .-.. .- -..- -.-- ..."

When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?

Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.

Three guys are in the woods, a really smart guy, an average guy, and a really dumb guy. They're bored, so the smart guy decides to go hunting. A little while later he comes back with a deer. The average guy asks, "How did you do that?" The really smart guy says, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer." The average guy says, "I think I understand," and leaves. A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb guy goes *gasp*, "How did you do that!?" And the average looks at him funny and says, "Well, I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon, I shoot raccoon." The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, "Oooohh, ok, I think I can do that..." and leaves.

Hours pass, and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mangled. They run to help him. Finally, one of the guys asks him what happened. This is what he said: "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train. But train keep coming."

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    • Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.

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    • There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

    The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

    Teacher: Where were you born?

    Student: The highway.

    Teacher: What do you mean?

    Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.

    So this one time I saw Sally trying to get up after she fell off the swing, and I helped her up and she said "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome." The next day I saw her legs and someone said, "I would not do that," and I said, "Whatever." I tapped Sally, and the top halve fell. I said, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SALLY?" And someone said she went in a minefield.

    Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?

    Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!

    What happened when the fire used Tinder?

    He luckily got a lot of matches.

    What happens when you are playing Undertale, but it's snowy in town? It SNOWED in town!

    It was 2017, and lots of people were hating RiceGum because he released "Frick Da Police," a diss track insulting Idubbbz's Content Cop video on RiceGum.

    A few hours after the diss track was released, someone went to Rice's house and spray painted "Asian Jake Paul" on the wall of the front of his house.

    Rice went to "meet" Idubbbz, then he saw the graffiti.

    "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"

    Hours later, police found 4 suspects.

    "Explain."

    Sus 1: I don't vandalize.

    Sus 2: I was staying indoors because it was rainy.

    Sus 3: I fucking hate RiceGum, but I would not ruin his cheap ass house lol.

    Sus 4: I eat bricks.

    Police: I know who.

    RiceGum: Who?

    Police: ITS-

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    Notice anything in the number crowd?

    Comment the answer below and I will see who is correct.

    A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.

    I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...

    Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?

    Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.

    Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!

    Me: You can't kick me out.

    Manager: Why not? Huh?

    Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.