Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?
FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.
So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?
"Log in."
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.
But, it's like a plane pizza.
Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.
What happens to an orphan that gets on house arrest?
They get set free.
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
What happens when the terminator pees?
Gasoline descent.
I wrote a few jokes:
What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.
Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.
What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
Hitler is amazing; he's dead but still alive because he did Nazi death coming. It never happened.
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.
What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?
It left him hanging.
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!
What happens at the orphanage be like:
The orphans: “HE IS THE MESSIAH!”
