What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
Happening Jokes
A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.
The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?
Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.
People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"
Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?
FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.
So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?
"Log in."
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.
But, it's like a plane pizza.
Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.
What happens to an orphan that gets on house arrest?
They get set free.
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
What happens when the terminator pees?
Gasoline descent.
I wrote a few jokes:
What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.
Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.
What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
