Man

ButtNut

A man with 20 dolars walked into Dave & Busters. He went to the bathrom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.

Left

Pjf

Look at your left hand now look at your right hand an tell your self what hand do you cheat with !

           WANKING

Wife

Berry Mkockiner

Doctor: Hands husband his baby Doctor: Im sorry but your wife didn’t make it Husband: The give me the one she made

Blow

Anonymous

Hey man what’s that a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok well hold it over I’ll give it right back oh no i won’t oh yes you will oh i won’t oh yes you will ok fine then you take it or all blow our your butt before it farts.

Left

Anonymous

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it Pull it Twist it Harder Better Faster Stronger You put your left hand in You put your left hand out You put your left hand in and shake it all about

None of you ever touch my penis

Bus

dev

RICK: GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT OH GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKER OR IMMA SAY IT!!! Richard: What??? Rick: So Before donald trumps impeachment he said " The CoronaVirus will end on march 32nd 2021 Richard: Your from planet arth where there’s a march 32nd enjoy it stupid dumb fuck brother Rick: Oh I will It was the day March 21st 9 Days later March 31st Rick: oh I cant want until tomarrow!!! Ooh im so exited im gonna give my friends a big’ole bro hug and hand shake i miss the muhfuckin dudes man one day later
He got his school uniform waiting for the bus not seeing it Rick:… wai…Huh???.. hol…up BITCH IM AND IDIOT THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING MARCH 32ND THIS IS THE MOTHERFUCKING !ST OF APRIL TRUMP DUMBASS Richard oh he’s the dumbass

Eating

Anonymous

“Jonny jonny” “yes papa” “eating sugar” no papa” “OPEN UR MOUTH!!” Shoves hand down throat-

Orphan

Anonymous

How. Do you make a orphans hands bleed

Jou tel him clap jor hands antil your mum coms

Flat

Mrs. Brone

The moment came. The starter dropped his red flag. “They’re away!”

Not for one second did Agba need to hunt for Lath in that flying stream of horseflesh. He did not even look for the scarlet and white stripes of the jockey’s body-coat. His eyes were fixed on the littlest horse, the littlest horse that got away to a bad start!

The field was far out in front. The big horses were whipping down the steep slope to Devil’s Dyke, skimming along the running gap, leaping up the opposite bank and across a long flat stretch. They were beginning to bunch, making narrow gaps. Lath was coming up from behind. He began filling in the gaps. He went through them. He was a blob of watercolor, trickling along the green turf between the other colors.

For a brief second the horses were hidden by a clump of hawthorn trees. Agba’s knees tightened. He felt Sham quiver beneath him, saw white flecks of sweat come out on his neck. It was well the grooms were there to hold them both!

The horses were coming around the trees now. The golden blob was still flowing between the other colors. It was flowing beyond them, flowing free!

In full stride, Lath was galloping down the dip and up the rise to the ending post. He was flying past it, leaving the “lusty” horses behind.

“The little horse wins!”

“Lath, an easy winner!”

“Lath, son of Godolphin Arabian, wins!”

People of all ages and all ranks clapped their hands and cheered in wild notes of triumph.

Agba never knew how he and Sham reached the royal stand. But suddenly, there they were. And the Earl of Godolphin was there, too.

“I am pleased to give,” Queen Caroline was saying in her sincere, straightforward manner, “I am pleased to give and bestow upon the Earl of Godolphin, the Queen’s Plate.”

Everyone could see it was not a plate that she held in her hands at all. It was a purse. But only Agba and the Earl knew how much that purse would mean to the future of the horse in England. The Earl looked right between the plumes in the Queen’s bonnet and found Agba’s eyes for an instant. Then he fell to his knees and kissed the Queen’s hand.

A hush fell over the heath. The Queen’s words pinged sharp and clear, like the pearls that suddenly broke from her necklace and fell upon the floor of the stand. No one stooped to recover them, for the Queen was speaking.

“And what,” she asked, as she fixed one of her own purple plumes in Sham’s headstall, “what is the pedigree of this proud sire of three winning horses?”

Agba leaned forward in his saddle.

There was a pause while the Earl found the right words. “Your Majesty,” he spoke slowly, thoughtfully, “his pedigree has been…has been lost. But perhaps it was so intended. His pedigree is written in his sons.”

How the country people cheered! An unknown stallion wearing the royal purple! It was a fairy tale come true.

The princesses clapped their hands, too. Even the King seemed pleased. He puffed out his chest and nodded to the Queen that the answer was good.

Agba swallowed. He felt a tear begin to trickle down his cheek. Quickly, before anyone noticed, he raised his hand to brush it away. His hand stopped. Why, he was growing a beard! He was a man! Suddenly his mind flew back to Morocco. My name is Agba. Ba means father. I will be a father to you, Sham, and when I am grown I will ride you before the multitudes. And they will bow before you, and you will be King of the Wind. I promise it.

He had kept his word!

For the first time in his life, he was glad he could not talk. Words would have spoiled everything. They were shells that cracked and blew away in the wind. He and Sham were alike. That was why they understood each other so deeply.

The Godolphin Arabian stood very still, his regal head lifted. An east wind was rising. He stretched out his nostrils to gather in the scent. It was laden with the fragrance of wind-flowers. Of what was he thinking? Was he re-running the race of Lath? Was he rejoicing in the royal purple? Was he drawing a wood cart in the streets of Paris? Or just winging across the grassy downs in

Jesus

Michael Tatro

If you’re a crucified savior clap your hand’s.

Forehead

Anonymous

Your for hand is so big it looks like I did a drag back of fifa

Man

dirty

abraham linkin was a good man, he jumped out the windoe with his dick in his hand and walked up to a groop of lades and said im do my dute so why dont you give me some booty

Life

That was single handedly the stupidest shit i have ever heard in my life youre parents should be ashamed at how braindead you are

That was single handedly the stupidest shit i have ever heard in my life youre parents should be ashamed at how braindead you are

Puns

Anonymous

why do atletes cool down fast cause they have fans

wash your hands

Little Johnny

little johnny gets in trouble

teacher: Ok class good morning we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make. Teacher : ok what sound dose a pig make Class: a cow says mo mo teacher: good Teacher: what dose a sheep make? Class: A sheep say’s maa maaa Teacher: Good ! now what dose a pig say little johnny:A pig says put your hands up and get agenst the wall youblack mother fucke*

Hair

Anonymous

puerto Rican teen: I’m a waste a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (ill never be able to do it) the mother: AI NINO ( OH CHILD ) the teen: QUE? ( WHAT?) the mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! ( DONT START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN) the teen: I CANT DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA the mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH) the teen: QUAL ( WIHCH) the mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD) the teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA ( THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE) a phone buzzes the teen: whose phone is that ma? unknown: MR PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE

  • runs to bag opens white one and sticks hand in* the teen : HAIR GELL

Wife

SPECIAL_GYAL

A Boy asked his Dad : « Why didn’t you make love with my mom daddy ? » Dad : « Because I’m gay »

Son started making out with his daddy and sucking his daddy’s big peepee

Son : « W- Wait a minute… So how did i exist if you didn’t make love with my mom if you’re not straight ? » Dad : « Because you are not real and i didn’t even have a wife »

The Son Waked Up from his horrible nightmare And He looked so scared, he did leave his bed to check out his dad but he didn’t find his dad, until his dad entered the house and he said to his son : « Why you did look so worried I’m just bringing some food for breakfast » Son : « Well but why your hands is full of cum ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) » Dad : « Because i did it with you last night i did you forgot … » Son : « But it was a nightmare … »

Dad turns into a monster

Dad : « I’m your nightmare »

The Son waked up and he seemed too scared and he found himself beside his dad torturing him after he discovered he’s gay.

The Son with himself: « Wake up btch wake up btch !!! »

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

7

Little Johnny

Little Johnny at school

teacher: Ok class good morning we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make. Teacher : ok what sound dose a pig make Class: a cow says mo mo teacher: good Teacher: what dose a sheep make? Class: A sheep say’s maa maaa Teacher: Good ! now what dose a pig say little johnny:A pig says put your hands up and get agenst the wall you stupid mother fucke*

Legs

Mister Boon doggo

What do you call a retarded three legged doggo heckin pupper monster? A 1996 dodge neon with a broken tail light cover and 166,748.46 miles on the odometer. It could use a tune up and it needs a new transmission soon. New rear tires and a new radiator. Test drives with cash in hand. HMU motivated seller. Don’t waste my time and no lawballs.

Finger

jam hut yt

I’ve been doing sex moves on my self so I can be ready when I have sex, and by far the funniest thing to do is finger my butt I go 2 handed sometimes

Ball

Lolriz

Digga D, I’m a well known bandit, bandit Had a new mash, just landed Jheez, cop it, chop it, sand it, hand it The verbal ting I can’t stand it Wife and two, got tanned when I banged it Mad ting Got a conspiracy case in the silliest Place, they’re saying that I planned it, damn it Back on a Feltham landing You ain’t been in the hood like Robin I ride in hoods tryna leave man red (Crud) The sweets are goldy, yola drops and lots of dred (Maud) No porkies, pepper them pigeons, they chase this ped Gyal tryna give man noddy, She ain’t got balls in her tongue thats dead

Poor

Anonymous

Yo mama so poor, she makes her own hand sanatizer.

Kid

Anonymous

What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Just kidding he hasn’t opened it yet

Jesus

Anonymous

Y does Jesus hate skittles Because they fall threw his hands

Give

Anonymous

Armless child: can you give me hand??

Me: ok

13 entries hidden