Hand jokes
The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!
Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.
An Emo walked up to a tree and put his hand up for a high-five.
But the tree left him hanging.
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
Me when kids
What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?
Answer: Your right elbow.
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
Why couldn't the T-rex clap his hands?
Because he's dead.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
What is a Jamaican's idea of a balanced diet?
A joint in each hand.
Why do emo kids hate high fives?
They’re always left hanging.
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.