Half Jokes

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

“Correct,” says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

“Correct again,” says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

what was the Roman Empire cut in half by?

a pair of Ceasars.

3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free".

After watching Star Wars 8, I have to say Snoke was half the man I expected him to be.

The optimist think the glass is half full The pessimist think the glass is half empty The feminist think the glass is raping them

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

why are people in japan so slim. bcuz the last time a fatman came the lost half their population

Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

What's the worst part of about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car? Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding only half a worm.

I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.

Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. the first cannibal says "you start at the bottom I start at the top" so they both chow down. about half an hour later, the second cannibal says "i'm having a ball" then than the the first cannibal says "than you're eating too fast"