HA jokes
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my trail mix.
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
Memes
this one hurts
What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?
One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?
Vin Diesel has family.
What is the difference between the National Organization For Carpet Munchers and the National Organization For Women?
The National Organization For Women has more experience in being a carpet muncher because they eat more pussy.
What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?
One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.
What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?
Leaving, walking.
What is the shortest month of the year?
May, it only has 3 letters!
What's the difference between an orphan and a baseball player?
A baseball player has a home to run to.
McDonald's has a drive through.
Twin Towers has a fly through.
What do you call an orphan that has a brother? The second one without one.
What is the difference between an orphan and a phone?
A phone has a home button.
What's the difference between the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Twin Towers?
The Leaning Tower of Pisa has better reflexes.
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
What's the difference between a McDonald's and the Twin Towers?
McDonald's has a drive-thru.