HA jokes

What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?

One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.

On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.

I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my trail mix.

The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?

Vin Diesel has family.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

I yo yo-yo yo-yo yo-yo, yo-yo yo-yo you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you ha! Frick, fuck, gosh dang, you’re so big that you can’t ride. This is Builder.

Logan Taub has a BBC, Big Butt Chin!

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

What has 4 legs and two gloves?

All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.