What country has been the hottest in recent years?
Sri Lanka, they had 3 bombs in a day!
HA Jokes
Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."
Every joke I make about 9/11 just has a tendency to crash and burn.
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
What do you call a Mexican that has lost his car?
Carlos!
We have some leak in the fridge. I'm surprised nobody has called a plumber.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she has no arms.
What is the difference between a knife and a feminist?
A knife has a point.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not Stephanie!
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
When you kill people in a war, it's perfectly fine, but when it's a school, everyone has a problem with it, wth.
What's long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cuCUMber.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
Why do gay men want to eat each other's meat because meat is meat, and man has to eat meat?
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Because every show has a cast. Get it, LOL?
Everyone has a good heart; they just don't know what to do with it. I say give someone some love. Hate is sooooo stupid. Love is soooo smart!
Q: Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
A: Because every play has a cast.
