HA jokes

What did the hamster say to the penis? "Ha, you look just like me!"

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

A computer usually has a HARD drive. LESSON. No wonder they remember things.

You know what a triangle has that women's rights don't? A point.

What constellation has no hair at all?

Cancer.

Why do orphans get iPhones 11?

Because it has no home page.

What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? A fisherman has to bring proof back.

What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?

A snake has a home to go to underground.

Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!

The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.

A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."

What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?

Ian.

Harry Potter has an invisibility cloak, I have family.

A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.

When the Among Us has drip ඞ!

Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.

In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.

Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.