I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan has all their teeth intact.
What do the Twin Towers and a bad joke have in common? They never land well.
The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.”
“Of course it is,” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”
What do you call a toy that has a story?
Toy Story.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?
A: A knife has a point.
Me: "The villain has a point, you know."
Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary:
Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.
Whats the differnce between a Mcdonalds and the twin towers? Mcdonalds has a drive-Thru
Why does an orphan go to church? So it has someone to call father.
There were 5 people on an airplane.
1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world
The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."
"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."
The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.
The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.
The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.
Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"
And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"
What falls first a apple of a Emo kid a apple because the Emo has a rope holding them
"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."
My mom loves balls.
But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.
Have you ever seen a blind man swim
No
Neither has he
How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back
Little Johnny has no arms. Knock, knock, who's there?
Not Johnny.
my "friend" has dyslexia
