Government jokes
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
Putin be like that boat is now a submarine!
Trump cheated so much he cheated himself out of an election!
What's the difference between Obama and Trump?
Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!
If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris jump off a cliff, who survives?
Americans...
"Lock him up, you know, Trump!"
President Joe Biden was jogging through some different jogging paths around this great county we live in and was jogging through Alabama and fell off into a swamp filled with killer alligators, and these 3 boys named Willie, Roman, and Little Johnny saw him fall in and jumped in and drug him to safety, and the president was like "Thank you, thank you, thank you SOOO much. I'm gonna give you boys a reward for saving my life," and asks them what their names were and what they wanted. The first boy said, "My name's Willy, and I want to go to Disneyland," and the president said, "No problem, and I'll take you personally." The 2nd boy said, "My name's Roman, and I want an autographed pair of Air Jordan Nikes," and the president said, "No troubles at all," and the 3rd boy says, "My name's Little Johnny, and I want a power wheelchair with an awesome stereo and killer wheels," and the president says, "You don't look handicapped, Little Johnny," and Little Johnny said, "I'm not, but as soon as I tell my parents who I saved, I will be"🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!
Why did the black lady give the IRS a mason jar full of watermelon seeds?
Tax credit.
Your mom is as fat as NASA's company.
Anyone know about the war? It's not Russia we should hate, it's Putin that we should. 🙄🤪💅
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.
Hitla: That's exactly what I said.
Why do they call my dick section 8?
Because all the hoes are on it.
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
By the way, why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings, but they never answer that door.
Enjoy!
Why did the people in 9/11 not call 911? Because it would call the pilots.
In America, you fight Ukraine.
In Soviet Russia, you fight Mykraine.