Good jokes

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.

What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!

Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!

In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.

Why are birds good at social media?

Because they "tweet" all the time!?

Joe: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?

Ben: I don't know.

Joe: They both look good until they hit the ice.

One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.

People: You're ugly.

Me: Ok.

People: I hate you.

Me: Cool, IDC.

People: You're annoying.

Me: Good for me.

People: BTS is dumb.

Me: I'll give you 5 seconds to run!

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

What makes a child an orphan?

Their parents left them for good. :D

why was the bad baseball player so good at bowling?

He kept making strikes.

What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight?

Do you think he saw us?

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

Woman: "What's the bad news?"

Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"

Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

Dr: "It's dead!"

I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.

I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.

Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?

Because they are good at fingering A minor.

Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.

What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.

My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."

Funny things or weird things to say to someone.

Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.

It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!

Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.

Baby-Bugga-Boo.

Fuzzkins.

Lumpy.

Nilly.

Ninty Minty.

and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!