Good jokes
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?
Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!
I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?
Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
A blind man was walking into a fish market. He took a deep breath and said, “Good morning, ladies!”
Yep, this happens when you play G.T.A., good God!
Why are Americans so good at Rubik's Cubes?
They are skilled at separating colors.
Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?
Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
What do you call a different spaghetti? An impasta!
PAPYRUS: WHAT DO YOU CALL A DIFFERENT SPAGHETTI SANS?
SANS: What?
PAPYRUS: AN IMPASTA!
SANS: Good one.