Good jokes
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?
A blind man was walking into a fish market. He took a deep breath and said, “Good morning, ladies!”
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
Why are Americans so good at Rubik's Cubes?
They are skilled at separating colors.
Yep, this happens when you play G.T.A., good God!
Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?
Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
What do you call a different spaghetti? An impasta!
PAPYRUS: WHAT DO YOU CALL A DIFFERENT SPAGHETTI SANS?
SANS: What?
PAPYRUS: AN IMPASTA!
SANS: Good one.
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.
Guys, say "I love gape horn" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.
I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?