Good jokes

What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?

Good question.

I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!

Why are Asians good at math?

Because the dog can’t eat their homework.

I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.

I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!

Do you play COC?

Because it’s a pretty good game.

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."

Idiot 1: Why are cows good in math?

Idiot 2: I don't know why.

Idiot 1: Because they have built-in cowculators!

Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!

What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?

For a golfer, Tiger Woods isn't very good of a driver.

Why are orphans good at dodge ball?

Because no one misses them.

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

Michael saw mommy kissing Santa Claus and asked her why she did that. Mommy said she was a good girl. Michael Joseph Jackson asked, "Can I be a good girl and kiss Santa Claus?" Mommy replied, "When you grow up to be a rich white woman." And now, we know the rest of the story.

Why don't rappers ever play hide-and-seek?

Because good luck hiding when your name's always dropping!

Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.

*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.

One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."

The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."

The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"