Good jokes

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?

A: All the good guys are hung.

I know you came here to feel good about yourself...

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

Me: I need a good roast.

My friend: Take me!

Good Morning, Sleepy-Head!

Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.

Every good joke has its delivery, except abortion jokes, because they have none.

Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.

Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.

And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.

Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.

What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?

Idiot 1: Why are cows good in math?

Idiot 2: I don't know why.

Idiot 1: Because they have built-in cowculators!

Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!

I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!

Bro, is your hairline and your forehead good friends because they go way back?