Go jokes
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
Taco Bell going out of business.
Like if you hate going to school.
Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!
Me: But Billy's with her right now.
Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM
Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.
Memes
"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
Earth is full. Go home!
You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?
"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
Why did the cheese go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional holes.
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.