Go jokes
Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"
And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"
And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
Taco Bell going out of business.
Like if you hate going to school.
Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!
Me: But Billy's with her right now.
Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM
Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.
"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
Earth is full. Go home!
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?
"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"