Give Jokes

Why am I still alive?

Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...

Royal aka ZEPHYR gets cucked daily by Tyrone.

ZEPHYR watches Tyrone give his wife the genes he could never give her. What a loser.

Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.

What did the plane say to the tower?

"Give me a kiss."

You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?

The image contains text from a tweet by Alice Smith that says: "Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day. Elect a man to fish for you, and all of a sudden fishing becomes some mystical function that only a few elite in society can perform, at great expense to the rest of it."

What is it called if you give 100 disabled people guns?

Special Forces.

What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.

How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

Yo mama is so fat, they had to flood the Super Bowl to give her a bath.

Everybody loves guns!

Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.

Violets are blue, roses are red.

Last night your mom was giving me head.

Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?

Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"

Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"

Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."

Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".

He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"

Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"

If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.

Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."