Girls jokes

I like my girls like I like my wine.

12 years old and locked in my basement.

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?

A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.

What’s worse than a girl getting a period?

A boy getting a period.

One day, little Billy came in, pulling up his pants. The teacher asks, "Where have you been, Billy?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, little Willy came in. The teacher asked, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." Ten minutes later, little Johnny came in. The teacher says again, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, a girl came in. The teacher says, "Who are you?" She says, "I'm Beverly Hill."

I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.

What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.

It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:

Bullys are depressed.

Nerds are depressed.

Bad girls/boys are depressed.

Kind humans are depressed.

What is the difference between a snowman and a snow girl?

Snowballs.

Boys are like minis.

Girls are like big pots.

Minis always come first. Don't think about sex boys, be men.

Your grandmother died because she fell on the highest floor of the hotel. Your grandfather died because he got shot while saving your mother. If he didn't save your mother, you wouldn't be here.

You grew up in a world full of viruses. You wanted the virus to be gone. There's only one way, but you have to know it. I can't tell it for you.

Your mother got Covid-19. You prayed and prayed all night, hoping that she would be okay. The next day, the doctors went to your house without your mother. You asked, "Where is my mother?!" The doctors said, "Your mother is gone, so we came here to tell you." The doctors left. Another hour, you were thinking while crying, "Why was my prayer not working? Lord, why'd you let me down?"

You searched on Google "How to bring back the dead." The Google workers declined it. Your father left you because he loved another girl. Your brothers are still with you, but what if they get the virus? Who will be with you?

Don't forget Jesus is still there for you. Don't give up, keep going, and you will succeed soon. You will find your own family and beat the coronavirus.

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.

Boy: Hey! I love you...

Girl: Eww, you are so ugly.

*boy sent a pic of his dic*

Girl: Beauty doesn't matter in love.

What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?

A cutting board.

Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?

What's that stupid girl in your class called?

Thot.

I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.

My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.

A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.