Get jokes
What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?
Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.
If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:
https://schlechtewitze.com
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
Me yelling every gay slur to get suspended.
I’m in catholic school.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
Why did Hitler stop playing Golf?
He kept getting stuck in the Bunker.
Q: Why do clowns always get into fights?
A: Because they have the balls to.
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?
Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get it.
This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.
When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
Funny things or weird things to say to someone.
Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.
It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!
Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.
Baby-Bugga-Boo.
Fuzzkins.
Lumpy.
Nilly.
Ninty Minty.
and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"
The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.
After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.
How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?
Sing a koala-by.