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Where does Kristen Stewart get her virginity from? She gets it from her mama and papa.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

If I was a poo, I’d be the one that gets stuck to the bottom of the shitter when no one wants ya xox.

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

Pigeons can be annoying at times, especially when their bones get stuck in-between your teeth.

God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!

What do you get if you do not eat? Dry.

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

Ah, you wanna read a cheeseburger joke for your friends to hear.

Nah, bro, you're just going to get cheese on your burger.

I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Please.

Please who?

Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.

Lol.

Kid: How much do you get paid?

Teacher: Minimum wage.

How do you get 50 babies into a car?

You blend them.

Why doesn't bread like warm weather?

It gets toasty!

Why did the otter cross the road?

To get to the otter side.

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Honda? Just the Honda.

Why doesn't the witch wear panties?

To get a better grip on her broom stick!

Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the Moo-vie theater.