Get jokes

My name is Devonair.

When I get a haircut, it's always bald.

Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."

My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*

I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.

My ex misses me, but her aim is getting better.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Where does Kristen Stewart get her virginity from? She gets it from her mama and papa.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

You're so short that you don't have to open the front door to get inside the house.

So 666-3629, so get it?

If I was a poo, I’d be the one that gets stuck to the bottom of the shitter when no one wants ya xox.

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

Where would Batman get his freak on at? The Batcave or the bat strip club?

It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.

----> [] get in the door.

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!

What do you get if you do not eat? Dry.

What is the difference between an egg and you? An egg gets laid, and you don't.