Get jokes
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use, you wouldn't get it.
How does a mathematician get tan?
sin/cos.
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.
The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apples get picked! 🤪
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.
Have you heard of the restaurant Karma?
There is no menu because you only get what you deserve.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"