Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.
Get Jokes
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.
My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.
Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.
Your mum is so fat, when she was in front of my apartment, I couldn't get in.
Why did the booger cross the nose?
Answer: To get to the other hole.
What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
What's Osama bin Laden's favorite song?
"Under The Sea!!!!! Under The Sea!!!" - The Little Mermaid
Get it ;) Dead ass motherfucker.
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
Your mama is so fat.
She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.
Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.
What is the same thing between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
Why did the orphan get an iPhone 14 for his birthday? Because it has no home button.
Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale said: "OOOWWWWW!!!! Get off me, you overweight bucket of lard."
Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."
Her: "No."
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
What gets bigger when it eats but dies when it drinks?
Answer: fire.
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
