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Q: Why didn't the Oak tree win the election?
A: He didn't get the votes he was oaking for, because he was not the popular vote.
Why can an orphan only get an iPhone X?
Because there is no home button.
Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?
Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.
Why can't the orphan get the big bag of chips?
Because it's family-size.
How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.
You ever get the feeling when your parents are cheating on you? I do.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Want to hear a dad joke? Look in the mirror. You get the joke.
My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"
Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?
There are 2 dads and 2 sons. They all caught a fish.
Why did they only come home with 3 fish?
(Answer)
There were a grand-dad, dad, and son.
If you don't get it, then it means grand father is the dad to the dad (1 dad). Dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather. Get it?
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating.
Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round? Because he was an odd man out!
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to skull.