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Mortar is like a woman's fanny; the more you play with it, the wetter it gets.
My tutor just said this quote of 2k18^^^
Pontypool is rough.
You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that.
What does a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with a snowman?
FROSTY RHYMES!
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
Do you know why dead baby jokes are always funny?
They never get old.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
I can't help myself I put it down on paper All the different stages, memories of us That's the only way I know that I can shake it Writing all our pages, every single thought I know you don't like when I'm nostalgic No, you've never tried to understand Say you're doing fine, don't think about it Like I do.
Sorry for writing all the songs about you I know that you hate that I got more to say Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to Swear no one will know that every moment was true All the mistakes and why I ran away Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to
I can't wait for you to recognize the stories Like when you said i was beautiful Will you act as if you haven't even heard it? Nothing of it really matters 'Cause I know you don't like when I'm nostalgic Go back to the start to get an end Say you're doing fine, don't think about it Like I do.
Sorry for writing all the songs about you I know that you hate that I got more to say Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to Swear no one will know that every moment was true All the mistakes and why I ran away Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to
Just to get over what we lost, what we lost I put it in words to clear my thoughts And just to get over, over us I had to, I had to
Sorry for writing all the songs about you I know that you hate that I got more to say Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to Swear no one will know that every moment was true All the mistakes and why I ran away Sorry for writing all the songs about you But I had to, oh, I had to
sorry kenny?!
You: Did you get the new snoo subscription?
Other: What's snoo?
You: Not much, how 'bout you?
I go to Venice to get a bigger penis.
What time is it when you get home and you can walk walk?
What do black people and sports cars have in common?
Getting a noise complaint for being so loud.
Why don't rappers ever get lost?
Because they always follow the beat.
If brains were taxed, Slade would get a rebate.
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
For fingering the minor.
What are the first four letters of the alphabet?
Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."
Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"
Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
Next day...
Student: I know the alphabet.
Teacher: OK, go on.
Student: "You need a haircut."
Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?
Student: "Yes! Get in!"
Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?
Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
*In headteacher's office*
Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?
Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?
Cat-egories.
Get it?