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    • A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

    Librarian: What are you looking for?

    Man: I am looking for a book!

    Librarian: Which book?

    Man: Facebook.

    Karen

    • I complained to my landlord that carpenter ants were getting into the timbers. He was dismissive.

    "They're Karen Carpenter ants, they don't eat much of anything."

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    • Get memes

    Baby

    • Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.

    So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."

    "That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."

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    • Depression

    • Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

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    • Chicken

    • Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.

    Emo

    • What’s the difference between an emo and a pack of Oreos? The emo’s barcode gets longer every day.

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    • Orphan

    • Why do orphans want to get married so bad?

    To have someone to call "daddy."

    Grade

    • When you get home and see your parents with your grades in their hands.

    Twenty minutes later, they're slapping you with the belt.

    Orphan

    • A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."