Get jokes

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.

Yo mama is so ugly, they tried to get her to act the part for Godzilla!

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized in the ocean.

What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.

Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Your mama is so fat. She gets winded just thinking about running.

Please don't get mad, it's a joke.

What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.

Why did the dog cross the road?

To get to the other side.

What do you get when you gobble down sweets?

How does the author of Harry Potter get around?

She walks, JK, Rowling!

You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.

Me: Knock, knock.

Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?

What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?

A Cock-a-POODLE-Doo!

When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.

Why do dads take time to get?

Milk?

There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.

The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."

God busted out laughing and let him in.

The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."

God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."

Why did the duck get arrested?

He tried to quack a safe.

How is sex like air?

It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

What do you get from pampered cows?

Spoiled milk.