Get jokes
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
What are the similarities between orphans and unripe strawberries?
None of them get picked.
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other side?
What do you get when you cross breed a woman and a horse? A neigh-ga.
Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.
If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?
A "retiree."
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback!
What do butts say?
"Help me, I'm getting wiped clean!"
What is the difference between an American and an orphan?
They don't have a home to get their guns.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Your forehead is so big Mega Mind gets jealous.
What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?
Pizza deliveries get their orders right.
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Or,
"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"