Get jokes
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
What's the worst part about getting old?
Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
Because they'll get a hole in one!
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the “utter” side.
Why did the Texas cow own its own dachshund?
The cowboy told it to "get along little doggie."
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?
A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
I lost all faith in humanity. I am moving to Uranus; it's really big. I might get lost.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the retard's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
How do you get Dick from Richard?
You ask nicely.
Yo mama is so dumb, she wanted to get some ice, but she went to Antarctica and actually got ice and brought wilt cream! 🤣
Why did Sellwood get named?
It is made of wood that got sold.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.
Yo mama so fat it took Nationwide three years to get on her good side.
Roses are red.
My soul is black.
I am never getting my dad back.
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.
Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.
Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.