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What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?
Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Everyone at the Queen's funeral:
Me and the boys getting her reboot card.
A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."
I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.
I am the worst joke ever. Get it? My whole life is a joke.
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
To get to the opera.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.
You wanna hear a joke?
Two Emos hanging out under a tree.
How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!
Why can't weapons play baseball?
Because they need to get to home base.
Dad: We are giving your toys to the orphanage.
Kid: Why?
Dad: So you won't get bored.
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!
Red: snooore, snoooore
Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*
Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*
Chuck VS RED
Both LOSE!
What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor?
Because it can't hit home.
How do blind kids get punished?
By moving the furniture around the house.
JACK AND JILL 2.0
After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,
Jack was screaming till his voice went nil,
And Jill screamed "Chill!"