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If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.
Why is the Pentagon mad?
Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree? The apples get picked.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands. (This joke is good because it never gets old.)
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
Why can orphans never go on field trips?
Because they can’t get a parent signature.
Why do orphans hate smart kids?
Because the smart kids get their parents' attention.
This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."
What do dark humor and kids with cancer have in common? They never get old.
What’s the difference between an orphan and cotton? One gets picked.
Why did the orphan get sent to the principal's office?
Because he punched dumbos like you people!
I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
Because he can't get home.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Because every show has a cast. Get it, LOL?
My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."
If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?
Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.
Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.
Me: How do you know that?