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What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
What do parents and dark humor have in common? Some get it, and some don't.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest
You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.
Why do orphans play tennis?
Because it's the only love they get.
Why did the wetback cross the river? To get to the US.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
What will fall faster, an emo or an apple?
An apple, because the emo would get caught on the rope.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Why did the caretaker of the Twin Towers get sacked?
He left the landing lights on.
Where do orphans get stuff from?
The reject shop.
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
What do an orphan and an apple not have in common?
The apple actually gets picked.
Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.
Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.
Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.