What's worse than dedicating your life to build back the towers? Doing it and getting terrorized for it...
Why did the cheetah get in trouble at school Because he cheated on a test
People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.
The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday.
She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 32,” is the reply.
“Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.” The woman replies with a big smile, “Nope, I’m 50.”
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.”
Again she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, “Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, “What the hell, go ahead.”
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay... How old am I?”
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 50.”
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you tell?”
“I was behind you at McDonalds’."
A horse walks into a bar.
Several of the patrons quickly get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
whats the difference between cotton and an orphan? cotton gets picked
Me vs. the emo kid: we go to high-five a tree. I get a high five; the emo kid is left hanging.
Why can't Indians play football play football
Every time they get a corner they open u a shop, 🙉
Why can't an orphan get a tattoo at a young age?
They don't have parent permission.
what is it called when an illegal immigrant is getting raped?
alien vs predator
A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
What did the fat guy say to the tree?
"Get me some coconuts!"
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A boner.
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?
They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
Why did the man go across the train tracks to get to the other side
Why did the man get on the bus to get sussy?
