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You guys are literally mentally ill. You should get some help. This is so disgusting, ew!

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

I get jealous when my phone dies.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.

Ok, wanna hear another one? Okay. Knock knock. (Who's there?) The chicken from the other joke.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?

My friend: To get to the other side?

Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.

My friend: Oh.

Me: Knock knock.

My friend: Who's there?

Me: The chicken.

I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!

Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?

What's the difference between orphans and cotton?

Cotton gets picked.

Why is the oldest iPhone an orphan?

It can't get the iPhone XI or XR. It doesn't have a home button.

Today, a kid in a wheelchair was rolling around the class to get away from this one annoying kid, so I told him, "Brayden, just get up and walk away."

What’s worse than a girl getting a period?

A boy getting a period.

What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?

Cancer.

Science experts say when you get mad, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Emos get jealous when their phone dies.

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

What falls down the building and doesn't get up again?

An emo.

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

What did the Mexican say when a house landed on him?

Esé said, “Get off me, homes!”