I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
How can you tell a Pokémon likes baseball?
Every night he turns into a Golbat.
Bunger got me like:
😂 Face with Tears of Joy Emoji - Emojipedia https://emojipedia.org › face-with-tears-of-joy A yellow face with a big grin, uplifted eyebrows, and smiling eyes, each shedding a tear from laughing so hard. Widely used to show something is funny or...
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
UR MUM!
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.
Cooper is funny.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
Been learning Chinese...
69 is too-can-chew.
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
When you're born on 4/20/69...
What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn!
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!
Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?
Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?
