Funny jokes
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
Been learning Chinese...
69 is too-can-chew.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
A meme
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
When you're born on 4/20/69...
Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn!
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.
Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!
Wanna hear a joke?
No, I'm already looking at one.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)
"Thank God there are no of these ahahha ya thank God to pranks."
"Oh I forgot a dance 🕺 😅 joke is good ok for kids."
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms or legs? Matt.
Corpses aren’t funny—they’re dead serious.
What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"